Want Something? Great! Now Ask For It.

17 Jul

There are some days that I fully regret being a grad school student.

Today is one of those days.

I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks, my body is exhausted, and I don’t even want to THINK about any of my assignments.


So because I’m a brat and because I need to get rid of some of this stress, I became a member of Massage Envy, where I get a massage every month.

Hey, it was either get a massage every month or go drown my sorrows in alcohol. I’m pretty sure I made a the right choice. Well, at least the choice that’s best for my liver.

Anyway, I just finished getting a massage and dude, it freaking hurt. I mean, this lady dug her hands into my back so hard that it was painful. As I laid there face down with my face in that pillow with a hole in it (which is really uncomfortable, btw), all I kept doing was trying to hold in all the profanities that I wanted to scream.

After about 3 minutes of pure torture, I realized…


I need to tell her that she’s hurting me. You know why?

Because she’s not a freaking mind reader.

I think too often we believe, we assume, rather, that people know exactly what we want.


They usually don’t.

In relationships, it’s the same.

Communicating with our partner is key to getting what we want. We can’t just assume that they’ll know what’ll make us happy. We can’t assume that they’ll know what pisses us off, either (although it would be helpful).

We need to talk about things. We need to communicate. It’s really not that difficult.

And we need to because we can’t read minds (and thank God that we can’t because think about all the terrible thoughts that go through your head sometimes…yea, exactly).

But this concept applies to work too, you know.

Our bosses can’t possibly know what we want all the time. Likewise, our employees can’t know what we expect of them if we don’t communicate these expectations.

I got my first promotion by simply asking for it. I was working as a secretary and I was bored out of my mind. I felt that I could be doing so much more. So nicely, I went to my boss and I told her how I felt. And you know what? She listened. She told me to be patient and that she’d do what she could to see that I was given more responsibility. Within a few months, she had created a new job for me and I was promoted. I was so grateful.

But you see, I could have remained frustrated at my job. I could have held in all my feelings and been mad at my boss and felt under appreciated. I could have done those things. But you know what? My boss would have never known how I felt. She would have never thought there was anything wrong and I wouldn’t have been given that new position.

If you want something badly enough, you have to ask for it.

Because usually, it’s not going to be handed to you. It’s really not.

There are way too many people that want what you want and there are way too many people that want for you to NOT get what you want (hope you enjoyed reading that sentence!)

Figure out what you want, then ask for it, nicely. That’s the only way you’re ever going to get it.

And if it doesn’t work out, well, just go get a massage. But make sure you don’t let your masseuse torture you.

“The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he’s going” – Unknown.

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5 Responses to “Want Something? Great! Now Ask For It.”

  1. Tina Del Buono, PMAC July 18, 2012 at 1:32 am #

    Great post Kayla, it is so true that many times we wait expecting that the person who is offending us to realize something is wrong. You are so correct we are not mi d readers we need to speak up to let them know what the problems is, so things can be corrected.

  2. Danielle July 18, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    I always have to speak up during massages because its assumed I want them gentle. I want a massage so hard it almost makes me cry because it feels SO amazing afterwards. But most people don’t want that at all and fair enough lol

  3. julianstodd July 18, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    It’s true that sometimes you have to ask for things, but sometimes you have to give things as well. I did some research recently that showed that 40% of managers derived greater pride in the acheivements of others than they did in their own achievements. And as people got older, the effect was more pronounced.


    Perhaps this shows how, when we are younger, we strive for things for ourselves, but as we get older we realise that things are just things, and that the pride comes from seeing others achieve.

    And maybe there is something in how we influence our communities (be it the community of work or our social spaces). If we are generous, maybe we encourage others to be generous too?

    As ever Kayla, a thought provoking post. I didn’t know where you were going with it at first, but when i got there, it made me think!

  4. rdopping July 19, 2012 at 10:07 am #

    Very true, Kayla. I have yet to meet an individual that got what they wanted handed to them on a silver platter. Well, maybe not exactly what they want but I digress.

    It is critical to stretch yourself and look for opportunities to grow constantly and if you can prove that you have the chops to achieve what you are asking for it will become part of your nature to push the boundaries regularly. As you gain more experience you will find that opportunity, in the right framework to suit your goals, will become easier to find.

    What’s really important here, for me, is that when looking for those opportunities that they fit your short term and long term goals. It would be great for you to follow this entry up with one that talks about taking this initiative and aligning it with your business goals and how the search for the “ask” influences those goals.

    Thanks for the insight and keep pushing those boundaries. Great to see!

  5. thinkingldr July 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm #

    Great insight Kayla. I think this is a very big challenge for Gen Y as we navigate our careers. Our whole lives, we’ve basically quit doing anything we didn’t like. If we didn’t like baseball, we dropped out and played soccer. I wonder if we’ll ever learn that it’s darkest before the dawn?

    While I’m a big proponent of moving around and broadening horizons, I think it’s critical to understand that whether we like it or not, the decision makers are usually in other generations and tend to value things like loyalty (even though they don’t reciprocate) and “putting in your time” before making it.

    We have to remember that experience only comes with experience. You can’t really experience something unless you see it through.

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